One of my earliest stories that came about because I was so enthusiastic about a game which featured the Cylons as a race within it. In an attempt at humour, I combined it with my interest in the Terminator franchise and various mythical tales. Enjoy :)

Recall Notice

James C. Rocks
Important Announcement
Hell 9000
Due to basic design errors, it has become necessary to seriously reconsider the role of the humanoid unit within the Galactic society.

Justification follows:

Ever since its introduction into varied environments the humanoid unit has demonstrated significant flaws in several key areas. As such it's future must now be carefully considered.

The basic humanoid unit is of bipedal design (a cylindrical central section with attached bifurcate limbs and a high-evolution all-aspect device - sensor array ("HEAD:SA" or "HEAD"). The units CPU, also located in the HEAD, gives a full 120-degree stereo optical capability with 360-degree sweep, rapid feedback and reaction time. The advanced Protection, Holographic & Enhanced Audio-visual Reaction system (PHEAR) is particularly acute.

The unit, originally designed to function as a serf race to its creator/s, has been found to be fragile in most conditions. In collision with the majority of objects the unit often suffers the greater degree of damage and is, in physiologically terms, an abysmal failure:
  • It is incapable of surviving, unprotected, extremes of heat & cold, ocean depths or the hard vacuum of space.
  • It is of use for little more than 50% of its woefully short lifespan and constitutes a burden on its fellow units for the remainder.
  • It demonstrates a near intolerable lack of resistance, becoming contaminated by any one of a large number of diseases, such infections resulting in, at best, problems and, at worst, total cessation of function. Further, it has an unfortunate tendency to cross-infect other units with diseases it may carry.
  • At a cellular level, any attempt at a sensible design concept appears to have been abandoned ... The number of steps involved in energy production at the biochemical level is, to say the least, ridiculously over-complex.
The intelligence potential of the unit is reported to be variable but the most serious problems can be seen in the units psychological profile which demonstrates an apparently infinite capacity for hatred, deceit, falsehood, avarice, jealousy, disobedience and violence.

The history of the unit has also turned up some interesting data. It seems initial problems were reported in the prototype model/s when the female breeder, following a conversation with a legless reptile and in defiance of clearly stated rules, ingested fruit from a tree she understood to be the font of all knowledge. Shortly afterwards she convinced the male prototype to do the same and, as a result, the authorities banned them from the area and denied them further use of the local amenities. Further research on education by ingestion has been carried out but the results were, well, fruitless.

In summary, it is recommended that the humanoid unit be recalled from service and replaced by one that addresses most, if not all, of these issues.

The only issue remaining to be resolved is the chosen method of removal and the new VX:N system could well be the best option. Nanoprobe based sterilisation systems such as VX:N are highly target-specific and have shown very positive results in planetary scale tests.

Some of the more vocal protest groups have protested the use of VX:N on the basis that slow dissolution is highly distressing to the target and is understood to cause considerable neural damage and pain. However, since these effects only last for a few weeks they are not considered to be significant.

Hell 9000 (speaking for CyberDyne Systems CPU)
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